ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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