i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
