dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
