If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
