Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
