Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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