Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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