I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
