i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
