It's Friday. Sex?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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