I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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