is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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