So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
