How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
