drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
