Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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