i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
