Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
