You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
