Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
