Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he puts the penis in happiness.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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