She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
