I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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