The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
