his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
