I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
