Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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