BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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