I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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