sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
