Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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