FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
