No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
