her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
