Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
