Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
