How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Even my vagina gasped.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
