i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
