Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
