I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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