I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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