and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
