Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
