When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
