So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
there is puke in my bra ... again
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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