You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
