My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
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Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
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Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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