Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
