I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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