I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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