I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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