She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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