yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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