Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
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The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize