She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
