If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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