Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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