Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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