I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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