just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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