what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
