I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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