I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
