Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
