I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
