Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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