Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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