Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
