guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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