is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
