God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
