I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
