I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
