You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
