the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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